Just another day...

Yesterday was a very difficult one. It was not just another day for us here. You answered the phone & sounded full of fear. You said you’ll be travelling for 20 days after Eid & weren’t allowed to tell me where to or connect with me on those days.

Then you said you were wearing an eyepatch. You said you’ll be wearing it for three months & that your right eye is super weak. You said it itches your nose. I didn’t know how I held my screams. My tears wet my blouse.

It’s hard.

Not knowing & knowing are both hard. How much more can my heart take. 

I am not saying it’s not fair anymore, because it adds nothing & lifts nothing.

Dead air. It’s like I’m sucked out of me.

It’s when you think it can’t get worse, and it just does.

Today is another one. One of those many many ones they don’t let you answer the phone.

الحمدلله with all my heart. Alhamdulillah for it all.

Remember your eyes’ surgery? Remember? May Allah Heal you just like He did many times before!

You’re strong baby, I know, you’re way stronger than me. I’m so proud of being your mommy!

...

I’m praying, always praying for you.

Out loud & with no words & no clue.

I know Allah Is Taking Care of you.

He Knows; that’s what’s getting me through.

Babygirl, li’l princess, you know I love you?

I wish I could give both my eyes to you.