Today you told me on the phone that it’s memories not Nemories, like you used to say.. It’s remember not reNember.. Something not soNething.. “rigl” not “ligl” (leg/foot).. You also said that a new tooth is coming out where we pulled out the old one TOGETHER..
You started talking differently, using slang Egyptian terms I never heard of.. You’re changing & I’m not there to watch or lead.. Totally out of my hands..
You’re building new nemories & maybe forgetting old ones!
How far of nemories can we renember? Do you think I’ll be a nemory in my baby’s heart? When will she ever come to me? Will I live through this? Can nemories be wiped?
Growing up I travelled every year of my life.. Unstability is a huge part of who I am.. I love my blanket, creams, teddy & pillow.. They were always my home.. Never travelled without them.. Not even for a night or two.. Na ah, not me!
But I did, not totally.. Somehow!
Sticking to a certain weight for one’s baggage has always been a torture.. How can you fit so many things in two bags? I’m tired of travelling.. I don’t wish to see the world anymore..
I only want to be HOME with my family & baby growing up in front of me.. I want to kiss her all over, squish her, wash her & make sure she’s alright everywhere; a tranquil soul, a happy heart, a mindful mind, & a healthy body..
I love how she always tells me at the end of our monitored infrequent calls, “don’t cry Mommy!”.. I’m crying baby.. With & without tears.. It hurts a lot.. A LOT!
I don’t want to be this sad party pooper.. But today, it’s very difficult.. Maybe tomorrow :)
My heart goes out to all single parents out there whom have been deprived by distance/death of their babies.. May Allah grant us the patience & strength, amen..
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