Happy Birthday Khalo :)

Khalo Khalo Khalo Khalo Khalo Khalo Khaloooooo :) I love you so very much! My heart really truly belongs...... to you! Big big time! Thank you for so many things! Many many things! Most of all, thank you for being you and being my Uncle <3

Thank you for always telling me I'm beautiful.. Thank you for teaching me not to use the "hate" word, and always insisting on how powerful it is.. Thank you for that lovely purple school bag, for that first expensive perfume, & for my first cellphone.. Thank you for leaving your business dinner and coming to my rescue and replacing my flat tire and literally lying under the car :(

Thank you for always coming to see me whenever I was in a hospital, and giving me strength with your very special forehead kisses.. Thank you for all your efforts in always making our 'edeyas so special.. Thank you for singing and humming :) Thank you for always smelling super nice and always looking your best ;) Thank you for the fun car rides and questions games and songs games too, remember (EPCO)?

Thank you for giving me the first car drive after getting my driver's license and having that brunch in "The One" :) Thank you for that heart pendant and Mr. stuffed soldier man than never left my room wherever it was until now :) And oh that silver hat!

Thank you for showing us how awesome it is to go to the mosque and how genuinely committed you are to your nightly spiritual routines :)

So many more thanks on my behalf and many many others.. May Allah Give you more than you always give and may you never stop giving and reaching out to all those around you..

A real gentleman is who you are! Oh father of joy & bliss, may Allah bless your heart & the hearts of all your loved ones, amen <3

reNember?

reNember & Nemories

Two of the few words that Z says cutely :) I wish she doesn't outgrow them!

If I ask you to choose one scent to surround you all through your days, which would you pick? I'd definitely go for DOWNY! It's home, it's mommy, it's cleanliness and love!

We make our own nemories, we shape and frame them.. And we can also choose what to renember and what not to renember.. Forgetting is a blessing too..

However, not all people have the luxury of having good nemories, nor do they have the ability for forgetting bad ones, especially if they are a lot..

*sighs*

Z and I and a couple of other girls have been to an orphanage recently, and it was very difficult.. The girls tried to reach out and play with the orphan girls, and that was hard to do! Half the girls there didn't want to see us and stayed in their rooms.. After we left, Z's comment was: "they are harsh mommy"! They were definitely very rough in communicating and were so guarded.. You could see a scar here and there on every girl, and can't help but wonder where they came from! And how many inner scars each one holds!

I'm so against visiting an orphanage occasionally, you either do it regularly, or just drop off whatever stuff you think they might need, and go.. It's very hard for them to be so exposed; just for wealthy people trying to stir some of their buried feelings; by visiting less fortunate people..

All my life, I had the fear, a phobia, of being an orphan, and pray day and night not to be one..

A little girl there, around seven years old, told me that Z looks cute and that she loved what she was wearing and her hairdo, and then asked me if I was her mom, and all I could do was weep! How can I ease this little girl's pains? How can I grant her what she doesn't have?

Another girl sat next to me and kept on putting her head in my chest and arm around me!

Those girls' faces will be engraved in my and Z's nemories forever..

*sighs*

Growing up, we had family friends, whom in a million years, I wouldn't have known that one of their daughters was adopted. She even somehow looked like her adoptive parents. Why adopted? After years of their marriage, they weren't granted any children, so they adopted O. Years later, Allah granted them a biological daughter. Never did they ever differentiate between them, but society did! When it was time for O to get married, my oh my, did she suffer.

Not only orphans in orphanages suffer..


"Hush little baby, pure and small,
He created you, He created us all..
Hush little baby don't you fear,
We're never alone, when Allah's so near..
Hush little baby, breathing so calm,
He'll protect us all, and Keep us from harm..
Hush little baby, still and serene,
You are a Muslim, Islam is your deen.."
~ Zain Bhikha ~

"LoVe Me NoW"

"Something inside us, knows there's nothing guaranteed,
Girl I don't need you, to tell me that you'll never leave,
When we've done all that we could, to turn darkness into light, turn evil to good,
Even when we try so hard, for that perfect kind of love, it could all fall apart.."~John Legend~

Unconditional love? Don't think so..

I always called for it and believed in it, but no man, no! Here's Ashy's story to prove:

I've always been into cats.. Started with Kooky, then Lilly, Caramel and then came Mr. Ashy.. He was taken from his mom at a very early age and was weak and aggressive.. We tried to contain him, treat him and give him all our love, but then came a day where he flipped out and bit the woman working for us here in the house so bad, that we had to LET HIM GO! What kind of love is that? I don't know really!

"Mundian to bach ke Rahi"

Box kites.. Did you ever fly one? I remember back home in Abu Dhabi when we used to go barbecuing or go for picnics, lots of people from Desi backgrounds used to play cricket and fly kites, and man were they good! I always wanted to learn how to play cricket, but never did..

Up here as you can see is a genuine attempt of me trying to teach my darling Z how to fly a box kite. It did work eventually, and she was happy :)

Childhood is the dough and adulthood is either the cherry on top, or a burn and/or a topping that went wrong.. Thank God for my childhood and for Baba and Mama whom have made it as perfect as they could.. What a lovely ride it was.. If only I could turn back the hands of time..

*sighs*

All I can do now; is do my best as a single mom in my baby's upbringing! Fly kites, make good dreams and try to chase them.. Yes we're stuck here in this difficult part of the world now, but you have got to do what you have got to do!

"Mundian to bach ke Rahi"; in other words, "Beware of the boys" sweetie pie, it's not all cotton candy clouds, fun slides and "Hawaiian roller coaster rides".. It's hard work, and lots of giving of love and respect for you to earn them back..

Baby, Yesterday was the day you had your 2 front teeth pulled out; to give room for your first "permanent" tooth to come in place.. Try to take good care of this tooth and keep it clean for it will hang around with you for quite sometime!

Daddy used to tell me "be like the clear water, for if any dirt falls in, it'll change it's color and odor.." And that's what I always try to do dear baba, but you can't help it when the wind blows in dust and smoke now, can you?

Sheru :)

(picture's source)

At school a few days ago:

J (My daughter's classmate): " Do you sleep with your eyeglasses on?"

Z (My daughter): "No!"

J: "How do you see your dreams then?"

Z: "I don't need to open my eyes to see my dreams, I keep them closed and see them"

Later at home, at bed time:

Z: "Mommy, how can I see my dreams well without my glasses? J asked me today!"

ME: "Dreams are in our minds and hearts, and we can see them and achieve them at any given time :)"

"Lion" is such an intense real life story! When you think your life is tough or you can't take it anymore, remind yourself that you CAN, and simply "Never Give Up"! Dream big and take steps, and it will happen if it's written. Trust me! Look at those who suffer more than you do and be thankful.

You dream of a perfect life, perfect love story, perfect tomorrow, perfect health, perfect you, perfect offspring, or even a perfect spring, but guess what? Just like when in Spring flowers bloom, Spring too is where allergies boom! No matter how much you clean, dust specks will find their way as you zoom.. There is no such thing as a perfect anything! There is a perfect imperfect circle of life. Period!

I tried and tried. It didn't work, or can I say the only way for it to work was by it not working out? I tried to make my marriage work TWICE! I tried to keep my baby girl healthy a lot, but she got sick and had surgery. I tried and prayed hard in Hajj for it not to be cancer, but it was. And the list is long. And now I can say I am content with all this! Yes I am! With the failure, the sickness, the tears and the roughness; because when I look back, I know I did my best and learned my lesson and was destined to go through it all. I survived it all.

However there is a huge difference between want and try. I didn't try hard to let Z memorize Quran like I wanted to. I didn't try to homeschool her like I wanted to. I didn't work hard to study what I wanted to. So we shouldn't only "want"; "dream" or "need".We should try hard and be content with whatever comes our way.

Sheru is the one who takes the run and roars at the top of their lungs and acts brave. Brave in the face of it all. With an open heart, and a deep prayer, and warm feet, or should I say paws?

So baby, do your best in having a clear big heart; in making your dreams filled with goodness first, and then see yourself achieve them while trying hard. (With and without your glasses)

Don't forget, be content with it all <3

Peace out,

Sheru in the making ;)



P.S. It was fun car racing  with the orange car on the 12th of March, with "Never give up" playing In the background ;)

31

May God's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon us all :)

These are my first words of a new chapter in my life.

Today marks a new page in my "Sakeena Within" life book. Sakeena is one of my favorite Arabic words, that stands for tranquility. It's a search for that inner peace that we all long for.. Sakeena is what I wanted to name my baby girl, but couldn't as it wasn't pronounced correctly where she was born.

I'd love to share here my views and heartfelt emotions that might help in making our world a better one; and eventually be a road to heaven! This is my second blog. I started blogging from 2004 until roughly 2013. However stopped gradually for drowning in an ocean of misery.

Here I am a survivor of a tough ride that lasted for years! Where do I begin!

My life has begun 31 solar years ago, with so many amazing people in my life! I've always been blessed with love, respect and dignity; qualities that are scarce in today's world.

I want to thank my lovely family for supporting me all through the years.. The 31 years!

Thank you all and may Allah reward you for your endless unconditional love!

I chose this picture to start with as it represents a moment of joy that I experienced with my Mom that tops all charts. Love you Mommy! May I never spend a moment without your warm lovely smile, amen!

So cheers to new beginnings and a new breeze :)

To Mom, Dad, siblings, Uncle A., my lovely daughter, my dearest late Grandpa and to the world, here's my "peace" of Sakeena for you :)

Respectfully,
S.