I have never told you this, but...

It was for your own good.. And mine.. Or so I thought.. So please forgive me...

I chose to stay back.. Can’t take risks.. Can’t do it anymore.. I’ve been hurt.. Really hurt.. You only get one heart.. and mine has had enough..

It’s a long story.. But not so different; so common nowadays.. However, what makes it different is the way each one of us tackles their situation.. How strong or weak they get.. How thick or thin their skin is.. Mine was super thin; it easily became friends with eczema ;)

I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that since last May I have become physically very weak.. Emotionally very drained.. I could no longer do simple tasks.. Let alone get married again!

Getting married is a huge project, but it’s never two hearts becoming one and bla bla bla.. Because two can never be one, let’s not fool ourselves..

It takes a lot of compromise, respect, understanding, acceptance & honesty.. And love on top.. And when any lack, it’d hardly live..

...

I didn’t tell you that any girl would die to have a man like you.. I didn’t tell you that deep down I felt a little happy.. I didn’t tell you that it was a very heroic proposal.. I didn’t tell you that a part of me wanted to say yes.. A very small part.. A part that got burried deep deep down..

Having a man to lean on is every woman’s instinctive dream.. One who loves, leads & takes her higher.. Brings out the best in her.. Contains her weaknesses & adds comfort..

For me to have this man, I need to be the wind beneath his wings.. And I can’t.. I can’t be anything to anyone..

I never told you how sorry I am for making you sad.. But I was scared that by telling you sorry,  you’d think that there’d be a way for us together..

You deserve better.. Someone with no tears.. Someone with no fears.. Someone happier.. Someone who’s not me..

And when you do, find ‘the one’, please take care of her.. Her feelings.. Be her pride.. Please contain her, isn’t she “created from a rib; and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked”? Our Prophet peace and blessings be upon him commanded you to take care of her in a good manner.. So Please do... :)

I never told you that it was nice meeting you.. You’re a real gentleman.. May God grant you your longed for sakeena :)

As for me, I’d rather stay in the shade.. Away from all feelings.. I wish I could feel less, see less, know less.. I can’t hear noises.. No not today.. 

No sunlight nor moonlight,

I’m so broken from this fight,

My heart can’t taste delight,

With my baby out of sight..

Yesterday & today are sad,

Maybe tomorrow after I’ve had,

My share of seeing evil & bad,

I’d be happy & again restart..