“Ramadan Krem”

(Picture source: MBC)

Remember this guy baby?

Did you remember me when you saw him? Did you cry, or hold your tears?

Did you wish to talk to me?

Did you try fasting?

I recieved “Ramadan  Karem” from your number, was it you, or someone else?

How are you surviving this “no Mama” lifestyle?

...

Ramadan mubarak!

May Allah Guide us & Accept us!

So many mixed feelings every Ramadan.

So many people to miss. Smells. Voices.

Our house has always been where iftars take place. Where everybody gathers. Where a lot of Quran is read in its corners.

This Ramadan finds me so broken.

For the first time in more than a decade I break my fast with my closest family members all together. Parents & siblings. May Allah never deprive me of their presence. الحمد لله

For the first time without my daughter. Birthdays, mother’s days, sickness, all without hearing her voice. May Allah Protect her!

Well, enough with the sadness, last night. Let me tell you about last night. First taraweeh prayers on the night of the first of Ramadan. We moved to a new area, far from our masjid. I was so excited to check out the nearest masjid here.

We went, & the imam made mistakes reciting The Opening. And more mistakes followed. I was a bit upset. How did they let him; no other imams? So many questions.

The first two rak’as, I prayed next to a woman who constantly looked behind & actually turned her head throughout the prayer. As soon as we finished those two rak’as, she left.

The next two rak’as, I moved to fill a gap & slowly tried to let my shoulder touch the shoulder of the woman next to me. She shook her shoulder away. I tried again, thought it wasn’t done on purpose, she got really pissed, did salams, looked at me angrily, took a step away from me, and prayed again. Next to me but not close, with a gap between me and her, and another between her & the lady next to her. As soon as we did rukoo’ her keys made huge noise, she was wearing maybe 10 keys or more in a chain around her neck. I got so scared. She was very aggressive throughout the prayer. As soon as we were done with those two rak’as, she left to a corner.

I then needed to process. Process all this. Either become super angry at the imam & the two ladies, or try to understand.

1. This imam wasn’t an Arab & read better than me & memorizes the whole Qur’an. He studied for years to become an Imam. Maybe his recitation isn’t ideal, but he worked more than most of us do. May Allah Guide him.

2. The lady who kept turning her head while praying wasn’t doing right, but who knows where she’s coming from, who knows why she’s turning her head. May Allah Help her.

3. Again, I’ll never know why that other lady couldn’t pray shoulder to shoulder. Maybe she has a phobia. Whatever reason, she actually came to the masjid, bless her heart!

Ramadan is all about widening your horizons. Looking at the bigger picture.

I had an argument yesterday, I was asked why would I ask youth to go pray taraweeh, while they miss their daily prayers. I didn’t win the argument. 

All I wanted to say is that taraweeh have a certain taste, that you wouldn’t easily get at home.

Especially if they were taraweeh you went to with your uncle A, who has a special Ramadan outfit & perfume.

Especially if you go to masjid Mus’ab Ibn Omair in Abu Dhabi, & pray behind sheikh Jaber AbdulHamid Qutb.

Sheikh Jaber, you are always in my prayers. You know that I wanted you to teach my daughter Qur’an? It was one of my wishes. Who knows, maybe someday.

How many of you can tell a person’s nationality from their toes? ;)

Ya Allah. So many mixed emotions.

اللهم إنك عفو كريم تحب العفو فاعف عنا

P.S. Did you imagine this Ramadan would find you where you are today? In a million years, I wouldn’t have guessed even tenth of it!