Geneef

“Geneeh” in the Egyptian dialect stands for “pound”.. Z has always called it “Geneef” instead :)

Daddy always collected for her different coins whenever he travelled, & her eyes would sparkle every time he gave her new ones..

Today, Baba came up to me with this quarter & asked me to keep it for you baby; for when I see you.. Isn’t it pretty? It simply depicts how pretty Canada is!

With every snow flake & every kid licking snow I pray for you to be with me.. Everything I see, hear, or touch makes me miss you more & more.. All the pretty kids’ mittens & colourful hats bring this pain to my chest.. Your Dad succeeded in torturing my whole family & keeping grief in all our hearts!

Everyday, literally everyday a new pain! I don’t know how many hearts can take this pain! How much more will I take.. I don’t want to be this wounded woman whom can’t wait for revenge.. I don’t want the breaths I have left on this Earth to be filled with bitterness.. There is nothing left for me to do baby.. No more doors to knock.. Only prayers.. & prayers..

Today, for the second day in a row you cried on the phone; he then yelled at you in the background.. It was so painful just hearing his voice.. Full of rage & cruelty..

I remember when you were a baby, & cried in the back of the car in your seat, he wouldn’t let me go sit next to you & played the radio so loud to shut you up.. Or this other night when you cried at night for wanting to sleep with me, he got up & threw you, then your head hit the floor! I lied to you & made you believe it was an accident, & that you “fell” from his hands..

His actions were a pure indication of his unstable mental state.. And what he’s doing now is beyond words..

I’ll just sit here, stare at this beauty, & ask The Lord of the worlds, The One & Only Master Whom Brought down these flakes, & Wrote our destiny; to bring you in my arms & bless me with your presence!

*Quarter on your Teta’s dress*

P.S. Pateety asked me on the phone today to remind her of this episode, one of her favourites.. And as soon as I played it for her, she cried.. But then, her Dad forced her to stop! May Allah release this pressure!

Pebbles

Yesterday you told me on the phone: “They took my two pairs of glasses and gave them to the optician to change my lenses; and left me without glasses for two days! It’s unfair mommy; my cousin can see without glasses & I can’t.. It’s unfair mommy, the nanny bathes me and calls me names.. She says I’m ill-mannered & that she’ll teach me how to behave!”

Ah baby ah, if only I was there! I never left you for a second without glasses.. Never let you after the shower take a second trying to see without glasses.. Not even under water.. Went looking all over Egypt for goggles for your weak eyesight & couldn’t find any.. Your dearest grandpa got you goggles all the way from the US.

Remember that night baby (picture)? You wanted to play with those pebbles & I was on the edge as I feared the germs and dirt.. I tried letting you play for a while.. Tried to loosen up.. Remember?

I tried so hard in everything sweetheart.. EVERYTHING! I remarried your dad to give it another shot for you.. I lived in Egypt for two years for you.. He didn’t live there & banned you from travelling with me; while he knew exactly how scary it is for me to live there.. And how alone we were..

I never left you alone.. Never left you with nannies.. Never let anyone bathe you other than me & your dearest Granny.. I never even let you talk to nannies to not pick any inappropriate words..

I watched everything you watched, never let you watch silly cartoons.. Always educational stuff.. Not even my favorite Aladdin nor Little Mermaid..

Now your dad’s mom, whom ruined my wedding by turning the songs off, lets you watch kids singing meaningless songs and competing in that.. She clips your nails with scissors!

Sorry I got too sick.. I was carried to the Emergency room in front of you, reNember?

Not my country, nor my people..

I’m physically & emotionally very ill..

I begged him Pateety.. We all begged him to take you with me.. He said no & humiliated us all..

Today he took you to Kuwait! How can the laws be so unfair? I can’t take you, but he can?! How can that be? And he’s not letting me reach you at all!

I could have stopped it.. I could have banned you from travelling with him.. I didn’t.. For you..

And now you want to call your step-mom “Mommy”..

You know what he told us baby? He said he’ll lie to you and will tell you that I left you ‘cuz I didn’t want to take care of you anymore.. I have it recorded.. With his voice.. He’ll lie to you.. They’ll all lie.. And they have started..

However, I won’t do anything other than asking Allah.. I’ll beg Him and only Him.. He Has the Power to bring you back to me..

Kisses on your eyes!

Ya Rab!

Teta Sa'so'a

Zakeya's her name.. Zakeya Saleh Ali Turky..

She was born on the 24th of October, 1924..

She died today, the 8th of January, 2018..

She lived a very happy healthy long life filled with adventures and success.. She's my Dad's Mom.. A very unique person.. One of a kind!

Her Dad was Turkish & her Mom was Egyptian. She spoke Arabic, English & French.. She was an English Language teacher.. She was always proud of herself, her achievements and where she came from.. 

She loved writing poetry, Every member in our family has their poetic piece; that was written by her just for them..

She used to tell us stories about the time when she was young, how she loved her Dad & his Sister.. How they used to send her for special Qur'an/French classes.. Egyptians used to make fun of her Turkish Dad in Arabic & she would translate it to her Dad.. He'd laugh along with her and let them be..

Her Mother was always treating her in a very special way & would always pamper her, unlike how she treated her other kids.. She'd always bake her favourite pastries and keep them for her on the side..

Teta loved clothes & shoes, & was very stylish.. She had a nice taste & loved beauty in everything.. Her favourite colour was green.. She'd have 4 spoons of sugar in her milk, & loved milk, cream & butter so very much! Stuffed pigeons was her favourite lunch.. She'd always have to have sweets near her.. Crunchy foods had to be around in the house, biscuits & chips.. Her favourite chocolate was Kitkat..

She'd always talk about how she fell in love with my Grandfather the very first time she laid eyes on him.. He was way older than her, but it never mattered to her.. She gave birth to three kids, my Dad was her second.. She says Daddy was so cute when he was born, & he was her favourite.. Everyone thought he was a girl.. She wouldn't stop breastfeeding him for as long as she could..

She kept moving from a house to the other and bought beautiful wallpapers & chandeliers.. Pictures mattered a lot to her; that picture meant so much to her.. Those were her students.. Her hair was very long and silky.. When she cut it, she had it braided and kept it in a box..

She always had her Qur'an next to her, & would read daily a lot of it.. When she used to come to stay with us in Abu Dhabi, we'd always fight over the AC, she'd want it warm and we'd want it cold.. And at bed time she'd recite many verses and supplications.. I remember her voice saying: "O Allah, place light in my heart, and on my tongue light, and in my ears light and in my sight light, and above me light, and below me light, and to my right light, and to my left light, and before me light and behind me light. Place in my soul light. Magnify for me light, and amplify for me light. Make for me light, and make me light. O Allaah, grant me light, and place light in my nerves, and in my body light and in my blood light and in my hair light and in my skin light." Amen oh Allah.. Please grant her that ya Allah..

She never liked taking medications, her face would be so red from fever, and still won't like taking them pills.. 

She wanted to shake hands with Queen Elizabeth, but never did.. She died in her bed, 18 years after my Grandfather.. And now is buried next to him..

I pray her first night in the grave be filled with Mercy & Light, may she see her place in Heaven & be forgiven for her shortcomings..