I wish I could protect you from...

Everything.. Literally everything.. But.. I.. Can’t..

I can’t protect you, nor anyone I love.. Can’t even protect myself.. I have power over nothing...

We do our best.. Try to shield ourselves.. But you never know where the arrows will be  coming from now, do you?

Protection is not something you go find at the store.. It takes a lot of things.. On top of those things; is to always know that your Lord Is The One and Only One you shall seek your protection from.. Take precautions? Definitely, but know that you are belonging to Him!

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Once upon a time, there was a little princess who lived in a penthouse, far-away from the noise and smoke.. Near the clouds and the birds.. She had the sea view and sky was her limit.. She stayed up there for a long time.. Protected from evil and harm...

One day, evil and harm came knocking on her door.. They were wearing happy faces and kept on their masks.. She believed them, and went along.. Thought she learned enough from gazing into the horizon and hearing only birds songs.. She thought reading her books were good enough for her to lead a life of her own..

She left her tower and went by the book.. As she walked she found their masks falling off, one after the other.. She got scared, and didn’t know how to protect herself.. She genuinely wished to be saved, but didn’t know where to go next..

She turned to Him, and ran back to her tower.. Went upstairs.. And thought she’ll forever be safe.. But she found out that she wasn’t really the same.. She had wounds that needed healing and a heart that was broken in half..

She was mad at the world and wanted to never leave her tower.. However, she was older then, and found out that she should go downstairs more often and live a ‘larger’ life.. A life that had more living than hiding..

She took steps, and went on, but this time, carefully.. She knew that protection doesn’t come from locking yourself up behind closed doors..

After being tired from all the anger that took over her; she learned that being angry would never fix her past, nor make her forget it; and give her no room to love again.. Love that she thought was the reason for weakness and vulnerability only..

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Loving and being vulnerable is a natural state of heart, that we shouldn’t be scared of approaching.. We shouldn’t stop loving as long as we are living.. The key here is to know where we’re directing our love..

To love is to be strong.. Choosing to love will always protect us.. Love with all our might and  to never stop caring.. Find something to love doing.. Find lovely lovable ones.. We shouldn’t waste our time on hate, because it eats the heart up..

Oh Allah, I ask You for Your Love, and the love of whoever loves You, and the love of deeds that will bring me closer to Your Love...

I remember him...

I remember getting excited for joining this place, everyone seemed so professional and a lot of people I knew would’ve loved to work there..

I met a lot of people, and never thought that looks would be so deluding.. I thought women with proper hijab would always be upright & those who wear inappropriate clothes wouldn’t be all that..

I was wrong.. Besides, these were my first encounters in the ‘real world’..

This is the story of so many women out there... A story of a colleague, who became a friend.. Who made me wonder about right and wrong and if there’s an ‘in between’...

First time I met her, she had a lot of make up on.. A LOT! At first I didn’t know why, but eventually I did! She’d sometimes spend the whole day in office with her sunglasses on; said her eyes were  too sensitive.. Any guesses?

That’s right, she was abused.. By her husband.. I was young, and this was my first real life encounter with evil.. I didn’t understand.. Three kids, says he loves her, and she loves him and that he’ll change! ‘This will pass’ she always said.. She always thought.. She always hoped..

She’d cover up her bruises in all sorts of ways.. Cry in the washroom all the time.. I thought I’d never see this stuff in real life, but I did.. I couldn’t stand it.. I never did and never could understand it..

Humiliate yourself and let your three kids grow up seeing you get beaten up almost everyday; because maybe someday it’ll get better? Because he’s rich and pays for their ‘great schools’? Because you love him? And he loves you?

What kind of love is that? He sees other women, but says he marries them? Doesn’t do haram? Goes to umrah every couple of months?

I never understood! Really!

Years passed, distances came in between us and we talked every now and then.. Everytime we talked she’d tell me he’s not changing, but that he will.. That she believes deep down he loves her and will come back to his ‘senses’ someday.. And that gave her comfort..

Police was involved.. a couple of times.. Divorce too.. A couple of times.. And she stayed.. For the ‘sake of the kids’ she said..

I tried convincing her to leave.. I had her sleep over at our place.. She’d always run back to him.. She told me that a scholar told her to stay and try! 

Years passed.. And about a year ago, she texted me: “I left him!”.. After her kids went to college.. After them seeing it all.. Living it all.. After wasting so many years.. So many tears.. So many fears..

She barely had a chance to have a life.. Or grant her kids the life they needed..

Was she abused? Or did she let her self get abused? I’m not saying it’s easy to leave.. But.. You gotta do what you gotta do.. Don’t let your life slip away from you.. Don’t let the walls be your limit.. Don’t leave the windows closed and the pain eat your soul up.. Don’t live dead.. It’s only one life that we get over here..

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He was scary, crazy, and I don’t like remembering him..

May God Help hear heal.. May He Help them all heal... amen!

LOVE

(picture's source: google)

Love is mistaken in so many ways. One of them is when we draw a frame & try to find someone to play a specific role “within” that frame we wish for them to play.

It doesn’t work that way. We need to see others as they are & not as we wish for them to be. Or as they wish for us to see them.

It’s when you take the other with their full package, not on conditions.

Love needs time to grow. Rushing it will never be fruitful.

I, like every other girl, wished to live it. To be it. To represent it. However the tide was too high.

In my humble opinion, gravity & being centred is the key for its success.

Love is everything, may it always fill our hearts :)