They call me Dooby...

No, at first they called me Dabdooby.. In no time it turned to Dooby.. Everyone says it in a different way.. One with a high pitch, another repeatedly sings it, & my Big Mama always says it in a soft warm voice.. My absolute favorite!

I love everything Big Mama does.. She never disappoints me, no matter what I do.. She thinks I’m cutely cheeky & can never say no to me.. Even if it’s only a few chips of my treat every now & then.. Never did I ask & she didn’t answer.. She’s sweet like that :D

I never heard this beautiful recitation before.. The house I was at never played this.. They never had this Book Big Mama holds.. She always reads & I enjoy her voice a lot.. I can’t stand it when she closes her door at night.. I love her bed.. Ah, if only she’d let me in at night...

Big Daddy rocks.. I love his scent.. Oh, wait a second, it’s his footsteps, I know them perfectly well.. He’s going to open the door in 10 seconds.. Tada! See, told ya! I always know whenever any of them comes home right before  they even open the door.. They get amazed everytime I go to the door before they come.. I can always tell the difference betweent their footsteps & the neighbors’.. Even if I’m sleeping, I get up & get to the door in a heartbeat!

They think I don’t like Big Daddy.. Let them think whatever they want; they just won’t get it.. You see, I like sitting right in the middle seat, & he always chooses MY seat, it’s not my fault to mew & insist on not moving! I don’t understand why can’t he simply sit somewhere else! Other than that, we’re cool.. He knows exactly where to pet me, & I love it when he does..

No no no, not again! That ladybug, I’m so going to get it.. Where did it come from? I was at the window most of the day! Didn’t it hear of me and my hunting skills! No buzzing in my house! Big Mama loves it when I catch them; she just counts on me & gives me extra treats ;) I’m coming ladybug, don’t you dare spread your wings; I’m not tall, but I’m going to get you good!

I look through the window a lot.. I don’t know if I had a family that looked like me, but the family I have now is awesome! I wish I can run after those ducks & birds, but I always sneeze only after spending sometime at the window..

I see & hear cats on their TV & try catching the birds on their Planet Earth series.. They don’t come out of the TV for some reason, maybe they’re too scared of me; as I always keep my eyes on them.. I’m not here to brag, but I am good ;)

What bothers me the most? 

Two things:

When they take long in using the bathroom.. They can use it, but not for long like they do! Imagine I need to go? It’s not like I had accidents or anything, but just use it quickly like me, not difficult?

The second thing is Abood’s closed door; I don’t understand why he doesn’t let me in! I love hanging around with him, he’s so cool!

Oh, the two chicks? They pamper me, but not as much as Big Mama does, but they’re trying.. I don’t know why, but kneading on their beds makes me feel safe.. 

Don’t you dare say curiosity killed the cat, the cat killed it ;)

Being A Muslima?

You ask me what it’s like to be a Muslima? Well well well.. I won’t preach, promise.. I’ll only try to  answer your question :)

I remember this interesting conversation I had with this young man, years younger than me, during a break we had from a first aid class..

He was confused when I refused to participate in practicing with guys in the class.. I tried to explain to him that our bodies are very private & that we can’t bend & show guys our curves, or even more touch any man..

He said that we should always fulfill our instinctive needs & enjoy our youth.. He proudly stated that he dates women all the time, & that he might have kids he doesn’t know off!

It was heartbreaking.

You ask me about Islam? Well it’s what differentiates between us and animals..

It’s submitting with each & evey cell in you to The Lord of the worlds.. To every command & choosing to fight yourself in pleasing Him Who Created you, than pleasing yourself.. It’s a continous elevation of one’s soul, heart, mind & body..

Being a Muslima has always been a pride.. Wherever I went, worked & whoever I met always knew I’m a Muslima because of my veil.. That always added a responsibility.. Made me insist on bringing out the best of me..

Unlike guys, who all have beards now, you can’t tell who’s who.. But for us women (who wear their hijab) we stand out ;)

I always tell my daughter that I’m proud of her because she’s the best Muslima ever.. Until she believed it.. I always ask her, what would a good Muslim girl do? And we then talk.. (Don’t forget baby, deal?)

...

Being a Muslima means I can’t lie.. About the smallest to the biggest things.. I can’t delude my kitty to come to me for a treat, while not having any in my hand..

I have to be kind, even when I don’t feel like it.. I can’t seek revenge for myself.. I can’t talk bad behind anyone’s back.. And if I do, I should repent & make it up for them..

Being a Muslima means I have to be humble all the time.. I can’t give money to the needy with my hand being on top of theirs..

Being a Muslima means I don’t compare myself to those in a better situation than the one I’m in, but rather those going through difficult times.. It’s always feeling for the helpless.. For the broken, the orphans, the sick, the wounded...

Being a Muslima means I either say something nice, or nothing at all.. I speak the truth & only the truth..

It means I am thankful all the time.. At times of joy & pain.. Do my best while counting on Him & only Him.. Knowing that He Is The Most Just.

Being a Muslima means my beauty is mine, & not for the world to enjoy.. I keep it for one man, only one..

Being a Muslima gives me freedom.. Freedom in many ways..

I’m free when I choose to not let you touch me.. I’m free when I choose to not let you see my beauty .. I’m free when I choose to not let you disrespect me..

I’m free when I get married & make a wrong choice, to leave & get divorced.. A lawful divorce that grants a lot of women a breeze of fresh air..

It means I have to respect others & be respected...

It means that I’m a precious beautiful pearl & should be always protected by my shell..

Being a Muslima is the best thing that could happen to any woman..

Alhamdulillah!

I bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah!

Something is missing...

Always.. There’s always something missing.. Whether in yesterday, today, or tomorrow...

...

Yesterday...

I remember at the beginning of that school year, when I promised to write in a perfect handwriting, & make my notes complete...

But

I

Never

Did

!

There was always an excuse..

Always a reason why.. A reason why I didn’t finish my homework, a reason why I didn’t do all I was excepted to do.. A reason why I didn’t do all I wanted to..

I tried to draw my margins straight, & beautify my layouts.. I remember always writing ‘In the Name Of Allah’ at the beginning of each chapter, wrote it with all my heart.. In my notebooks & my teaching boards.. I always believe He Is The Most Gracious Most Merciful..

Always welcomed new chapters, with excitement, but a little effort..

I believe in destiny.. I also believe in us! We are made by Him for a reason.. We’ll be judged as we’re in charge.. In charge of ourselves through our written destinies..

He Is Always Controlling the tide.. Makes it high for a reason & low for another.. How prepared are we?

Many things were incomplete yesterday.. Whether it’s because of one of us missing, or messing..

‘If only’ could be a killer.. A lot of ‘if only’s won’t help us, but rather pull us down.. Winners are those who trip, but decide to get up & try again.. Knowing your mistakes, fixing them if possible & learning from them is what moves you forward..

Young & wrong go hand in hand.. Wise ones are those who grow out of pain.. Who heal their own wounds.. Who rely on Him & only Him..

Yesterday witnessed my narrow mindedness.. My silly stubbornness..

I should not grieve, for a lot of grief will harm more than benefit..

I should not be in yesterday, as I’m here TODAY!

...

Today...

A lot of things are missing..

Care..

Love..

My baby.. My one and only princess..

Me.. I am missing me.. myself.. I’m not me.. Missing a million pieces.. But wait a second..

Isn’t this how it’s supposed to be? Isn’t all this temporary.. Just the engine’s roar before reaching our final abode?

Yes today carries a lot of yesterday’s pain, but if we don’t deal with it as ‘today’, we’ll be forever stuck in yesterday..

Today I am broken.. Today I have lost many battles.. Today I am weeping..

Today I’m here.. I should be here with whatever is left of me.. With all my strength & weakness put my face down & beg.. Beg The One and Only, Lord of The worlds..

Ya Allah!

...

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is not in our hands.. It is not...

We should work hard, while knowing we might leave any second.. While knowing we might not be here tomorrow.. While knowing that we own nothing.. Not even our own flesh and blood.. Absolutely nothing..

If I’ll be here tomorrow, I pray it comes in peace and with peace.. I don’t know what it has for me.. I don’t know if it’ll bring you back..

I pray it’ll bring a better me...

...

I’ll leave us with His Words, that tell us the whole story:

“Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children -  like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion.”

“Race toward forgiveness from your Lord and a Garden whose width is like the width of the heavens and earth, prepared for those who believed in Allah and His messengers. That is the bounty of Allah which He gives to whom He wills, and Allah is the possessor of great bounty.”

“No disaster strikes upon the earth or among yourselves except that it is in a register before We bring it into being -  indeed that, for Allah, is easy -“

“In order that you not despair over what has eluded you and not exult [in pride] over what He has given you. And Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful -“

Qur’an 57: 20-23

My Eid :)

جانا العيد، جانا العيد، و الكل سعيد، جانا العيد 

This is our Eid song! Khalo’s voice singing it is Eid to me :)

Khalo is Mom’s brother, calling him Khalo is so different than calling him ‘uncle’.. Anyone could be an uncle, but Khalo; carries a deeper meaning.. A source of strength that a lot ot of kids are missing today..

A source of love, but different than your parents’, it’s more friendly & fun ;) Especially if it’s MY Khalo Khalo Khalo <3

Khal: Mother’s brother

‘Amm: Father’s brother

Do we agree now that uncle is so shallow in comparison to khaal or ‘amm?

Let’s get back to Eid, precisely ‘my Eid’ :)

If you don’t have Khalo Ahmad, you never had a real Eid :$

Days before Eid:

Mama & Baba take us shopping for new clothes, shoes & maybe more stuff :)

Until now.. 31, no almost 32 & Mama has to get me something new to wear :D

May I never see Eid without you!

Eid eve ;)

Our house full of uncles, cousins, grandparents, all laughing out loud & arguing over who’s drawing henna on our hands, & what shapes or patterns each one of us wishes to have..

Eventually it’s Khalo Ahmad doing the job for us, & henna drawings, well not exactly what we expected..

Only a little funnier ;)

Quickly we add lemon drops as it (henna) dries; to make it last longer..

Supposedly!

Eid day:

Early Morning:

We (my sister & I) wake up with Henna’s smell so strong in our hands, a smell that I absolutely love.. I quickly open my eyes to see how much darker it got, & man; nothing felt as beautiful & cool! My new temporary halal tattoo ;)

Then we get dressed up for Eid prayer.. Streets completely empty, & the cars are all piled up at each mosque.. We head to the ladies part (usually outdoors), & goodness, the flashy Arab colors beaming under the sunlight.. Little girls with a lot of make up on & young ladies feeling shy, as mothers look closely trying to find brides for their lonely sons..

And then it’s time to go home for a nap, or maybe not :D

We get together as it’s time for Eid presents.. Grandparents, parents, uncles give ‘edeya (money given to kids in Eid), but not Khalo Ahmad.. He gives ‘edeya, but in a completely crazy way that you’d never think of!

He’d stay up all night before Eid, just ‘making’ our ‘edeyas!

One time, we’d have to get blindfolded as he puts hats on our heads, & when we open our eyes, they’re hats that would have 200 Dirhams in toltal, stuck in 5 dirhams paper bills!

Another time, we’d get boards that’d have 200 dirhams or more, in 1 dirham coins glued beautifully to them (red boards; red as he is a huge Ahly fan :D)..

And more & more of those.. Over so many years..

May Allah bless him with a long healthy  life full of love.. Love that he taught us on & on, amen!

In the afternoon:

We go out, or you know what, maybe decide to travel! All spontaneous plans, just like our very spontaneous lifestyle..

Other Eids:

Would be at ‘Ammo’s place.. Lots of relatives & fun get togethers, singing & games..

Eid is all about us celebrating our love for eachother..

Nowadays it’s getting harder to do.. Miles are getting in the way & distances are changing every one to memories.. Memories that we trap in pictures, in our online albums, that we can’t even hold..

Eid prayers are slowly becoming sadder as our Muslim world bleeds everywhere..

*sighs*

My dearest family,

You are my Eid.. No matter how far you are, your well-being is my Eid!

May I never experience seeing any of you hurt or in pain..

My bigger family,

May Allah bring our Eid back, & all of your suffering come to an end & you’d get rewarded for your patience..

Our opressors,

May you never see or smell Eid on this earth or up there, amen!

P.S. This is Z’s picture in the Eid before the last one I had with her.. When will you come back & bring me Eid baby?

“The first time I saw you,

I knew...” and he paused.. He gasped for air & tried to contiue..

“I knew I’d be forever yours.. I knew if you’d bless me with your grace & be mine, I’d rule the world.. My world! Because then and only then, I’d be complete..”

She stood there speechless, not knowing what to say.. She looked down & saw his muddy boots & heard his heartbeats louder than hers..

Breaking the silence he said: “Will you hear me out? I only need a few minutes, please?”

She nodded with a faint smile..

“You were five and I was eight.. I didn’t know what love & those butterflies felt like, but I surely felt a tickle in my heart..

When you were a little girl, you were always the odd one out.. Whenever you entered a room, light would reach its corners.. Girls were looking up to you with a little bit of jealousy sometimes, jealousy that you never noticed.. No one was ever as dazzling as you..

You are always exceptional in all your ways.. From the way you smiled to the way you cried.. You were the only girl to reach them tree branches when swinging on our old wooden swing, remember? Nothing was ever too high for you to reach..

When I cried over my puppy you said: “I’ll be your puppy” & followed me for two days.. You  magically made it easier & managed as always to put a smile on my face!

Growing older did nothing but add beauty to your beauty.. Beauty that no words would define..

Remember that day you saw me in the hospital with a broken rib? It wasn’t a silly fight like they told you, it was me showing that knight wannabe that you were only mine.. He wanted to come and propose to you that evening.. He wanted to have you.. Be your man.. No one else can be your man!

No one will love you like I do.. My broken rib didn’t hurt as much as knowing anyone else can have you other than me.. The thought of it drives me crazy..

Your tenderness & care,

your love for all with no despair..

See the poet that you brought out of me?”

She managed to answer softly: “I need to go, I can’t be late..”

“Only a few moments please.. Please..

You see, the sky, the trees & these very streets witnessed your love grow in my heart & have waited for this moment to come, so give them a chance to be happy, will you? Don’t let them laugh at me :)

Not only are you a special princess, you are the daughter of the two greatest parents anyone could have.. They knew how to raise you to become the most phenomenal young lady anyone would die to have..

You see I don’t have much to offer you.. I can’t buy you the house or the ride that you deserve.. I can only be your home.. Home of peace & light..

All I have is a loving heart that has been yours, long before I even knew.. I promise to protect you from any harm, to guard you with all that I have.. All that I am..

Make me whole!”

One step at a time...

I love this bridge.. It’s a small one near our place, built over a stream that’s almost frozen at the moment.. “Live your life to the fullest” & “You’re beautiful” are written here by someone I don’t know; so nice of them :)

What’s the best advice you ever recieved? One that touched your deepest self & made a lot of sense? Well,  for me, it goes a long way back, maybe I was eight or nine at that time..

It was at my grandparents place in Cairo, in the summertime.. I remember the living room & the sunlight filling it, and Grandpa closing the (shish) wooden Egyptian window slightly; as he never liked strong light, like most of my family..

He sat down & saw me so hyped up like always, as I failed to wait patiently to meet my neighbors in the afternoon to play.. He said, in his southern Egyptian accent “إتقَلي يا بِتّي" in other words: take it easy or one step at a time..

It hit me.. Why did he say that? Isn’t it normal to be hyper at that age? But no, he knew me.. It wasn’t the age.. It was me.. Yes me..

Unfortunately I never listened to it.. It’s the best advice I could ever get, & I never actually listened to it! Or in other words, I couldn’t.. I couldn’t change myself so much.. If only I did.. If only I listened..

My whole life would have been so different if I was a little laid back & took it one step at a time.. If I counted to ten.. If I wasn’t so emotional with everything..

I always want to do so much & give my all & not think before I let it out.. Always wanted to save the world & brighten the room with the brightest light..

Maybe too much light isn’t what everyone needs.. Maybe too much emotion isn’t what makes relationships, but rather break them..

Maybe so much care is more suffocating than uplifting.. Boring than interesting.. “A watched pot never boils..” I love this saying.. Watching it won’t make it boil faster..

He knew me more than I knew myself.. I am blessed with people who love me, despite knowing how crazy I am :$

As dark as it’s getting & with everyone whining about others not caring, I’m forever thankful for the family I have.. Always loving & caring no matter what..

Going through the tough situation that I’m in, showed me a lot of hearts.. Some are near, but not close enough.. And others are far & feel & check on me without even talking to me..

When someone loves you & all they wish for you is to see you a better person, hold on to them, bcause lovers are becoming less & haters are on the rise..

Please never take any advice given to you for granted.. Try to open your heart to any words of wisdom & don’t be so guarded.. Let your guard down..

Everyone is building a million walls to protect themselves, and end up shattered & broken into  a million pieces.. It’s never about the walls, it’s always the connection..

Everyone is on social media, but rare are those who really wish to connect & make a difference.. Not everyone puts their heart out there & loves with all their being..

I won’t stop loving & caring, simply because I can’t stop..

I

Just

Need

To

Take

It

One

Step

At 

A

Time

.

That perfect weekend...

“Mommy Mommy, wake up wake up; Daddy is almost done!”

She woke up to those sweet words coming from her eldest son Omar.. As soon as she opened her eyes, Omar said “I’ve put food for kitty too Mama, & scooped out her wastes, happy?”.. “Come here” she said, & gave him a big hug.. Happily he went back downstairs..

She got up for a quick shower & put on his favorite dress, earings, lipstick & perfume.. On the stairs she smelled his yummy pancakes & heard her little princess Saky chopping strawberries..

“Good morning love” the love of her life said, & kissed her hand & asked if it felt better.. She said yes as Saky jumped & stained her dress with her pink strawberry flavored little fingers.. “I’m helping Daddy Mommy” she said with a huge smile on her face :D

She set the table & they had their favorite weekend breakfast & quickly Omar asked: “Are we going to get the kids presents now?”, “Yes”  Hassan (his dad) said..

After finishing breakfast, they went for their morning routine, reciting Holy Verses & discussing their weekend’s plan.. “Let’s get ready kids”..

After getting dressed, they got in the car, buckled up, & headed to the gifts shop, while listening to their favorite songs as loud as they liked.. They bought 20 presents & wrapped them, 13 with pink wrapping paper & 7 with blue..

As they reached the hospital, they started visiting one kid after the other, succeeding in making some feel better.. It’s their weekend ritual to visit hospitals or orphanages.. 

“Are we going to barbecue or bake tonight?” Omar asked, “barbecue! how did you forget so fast?” Saky fussed..

Later that afternoon, the cars started parking in their driveway & it was a full house.. Grandparents, uncles, aunts & cousins all over the place..

Kids’ laughter & games filled their garden; as grownups were discussing world issues & possible ways of fixing them..

Food was delicious as always & desserts were everywhere.. As soon as the last car took off, Saky was yawning & everyone was getting ready for bedtime.. As she read them their bedtime story, they were fast asleep.. She tucked them in & softly kissed them goodnight..

Hassan whispered in her ears as the night got darker, & reminded her of how beautiful she always is & how thankful he is for having her.. In his arms he took her & told her that he wouldn’t have wanted his life any other way..

He said:

You’re my heart, for our kids you gave life..

You’re my love, oh my darling wife,

May we grow old & together strive,

To nourish our hearts & never be apart,

And contain & confine no matter how hard..

He promised:

To protect her & not let her tears down,

If they fall he’ll dry them & gently be her sun..

He’ll get her back & never step back,

And stand tall & his love will never lack..

Goodnight, sleep tight,

Your nightmares I shall fight..

My sweet sixteen ;)

Dear sweet sixteen self,

Believe it or not, I’m the latest version of you! A few extra pounds, freckles, wrinkles & another 16 years!

I want to start by thanking you & telling you how proud I am of you. You were a beautiful young energetic naturally sweet princess :) Your anklets, orange bag & kiddish lipglosses never added to your beauty; your beauty came from within you..

I want to thank you for so many things..

For wearing the proper attire no matter where you went & despite being the odd one out..

For keeping your instinctive modesty & never trying to fit in.. For working hard on protecting your loving heart from stains.. For loving God’s house & growing from there..

For hanging out with the right crowd & trying hard to make the world ‘a better place’..

For continuously inspiring & being inspired..

For listening to the right songs that painted your very own unique gallery, & caring so much to share it.. With everyone!

For loving the others, no matter where they came from & how different they were..

For being honest & true to yourself before others..

*sighs*

Did you make mistakes you ask? Of course..

You didn’t study hard now, did you? You could have done better.. Worked harder..

You should have continued your French learning, you’re good with languages :(

You were too strict, with yourself & others.. A bit judging & expecting much.. Much more than you should..

Too caring...

Remember how you loved kids so much, & thought you’ll never have any.. Well, one came from within you.. You didn’t see that coming, I know..

Wait, I’ll answer all your questions, you need to breathe & take it one breath at a time, remember?

Well no, you didn’t get a horse as your dowry, nor did a Prince Charming sweep you off your feet.. I told you, you were too strict in your thinking & a bit judging..

You see, you thought a spiritual person is one who grew a beard & knew how to recite God’s words.. It’s not like that sweetheart!

You were a bit too sheltered & bubble-wrapped & knew nothing about the real world..

Rejecting proposals for narrow-minded reasons.. And insisting on your opinion, & only yours..

Don’t be sad please, I’m not here to make you feel sad.. We are always trying hard in making the right choices in the path that was chosen for us by Him.. We’ll always trip along the way.. We just need to dust of the dirt & keep going :’)

You guessed right, a girl.. A beautiful little princess whom everybody loves dearly.. 

She’s far away from me, in a far-away land; ‘cuz life ain’t perfect.. Remember those Indian books you read & movies you watched? You are one of their characters..

I’m sorry to have failed you.. I’m sorry for the tears & heartbreak..

Hey, your palms are still sweaty.. It went less for a while, but came back..

Oh & being a hygiene freak? You still are I’m afraid!

No kite-surfing nor sky-diving yet.. However, I jet skied & it was better than you always expected..

I owe you an apology.. A huge one..

I

Am

Sorry!

But I promise to work harder in not souring the sweetness that’s left off you..

With love,

Your bittersweet self

Weekends :)

I was looking through my empty 2018 planner today & found all these holidays, that ‘they’ chose for us to have as ‘holidays’.. Doesn’t the word holiday/weekend make you smile?

Being off; not a cool thing to be though.. As a morning person, I always enjoy the sun & day time, & never liked sleeping in to a late hour..

Weekends changed a lot over time.. From when they take place, all the way to how they take place.. Let’s go back to the early beginning.. When there was bliss, goodness & ‘barakah’ in our weekends..

Many years ago, our weekends took place on Thursdays & Fridays.. Then it was Fridays & Saturdays.. And now Satudays & Sundays, AND not for everyone.. Different shifts & what not.. It takes us a long time to plan get togethers, outings or board nights now..

Tonight I’ll take you & I back to our good old days.. Or weekends if I should say :)

Wednesdays

Wednesdays were the beginning of our family fun.. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always enjoyed weekdays.. I loved going to school & being the fun tall ‘fasolia’ that I was.. I had a crush on Tuesdays for some reason.. I don’t know whether it’s the T in the beginning or the P.E. classes that always took place then :)

I never had enough of my grade level friends, but  made friends with older girls as well.. Nothing realy stopped me.. Not my hijab when I was the only one wearing it, nor my frequent change of schools..

Wednesday was when Daddy would pick us up from school & take us to meet Mom (after she’s done with work) at KFC usually (where mostly Egyptians/Filipinos worked).. ‘All you can eat’ & weekend fun begins :D

Thursdays

Fish, shrimp & crabs day.. Ah fish market! Absolute pleasure when going with Daddy sometimes.. I love the fresh fish market smell, too weird, eh? I used to feel bad seeing them fresh fish die slowly on the ice cubes; they had to freeze to death to stay fresh for us big monsters :$ My uncles would pig out with us & huge piles of shrimp shells would accumulate on our big dining table :)

Thursday night is usually ice skating or family club night :D I never had enough of ice skating.. I’d wait for the zambony to finish after my first round & get going again and again.. The last one to leave the rink was always me.. I remember when I cut my brother’s thumb with my ice skate :’( It took time to stop bleeding.. He carries that scar today.. We were always skating together.. But I was better in going backwards, right bro? ;P

Growing older, it was more comfortable going ice skating on ladies nights.. Yes we had that luxury in Abu Dhabi! Ladies time/place for everything.. We had a whole Ladies Club, where we’d walk from the swimming pool to the gym/spa under the sky with the sunlight touching our bare skin & our hair out enjoying the gulf’s humid salty breeze.. A whole private ladies beach <3

If it’s not an ice skating night, it’d be the family club night where all the courts & parks would be.. I remember hurting my finger while playing basketball, & slowly giving up on that sport.. I remember Daddy playing ping pong & always winning.. I was always proud Baba :)

The pizzeria there, yummy! Basic pizzas, but always perfect after a long play time..

Fridays

Beach / Bbq / Dubai

Jum’a day.. Long blessed day.. Friday prayers & the strong ‘bukhoor’ in the house.. On their way back home from prayers, Daddy & my brothers would get us snacks (chips/sweets).. And never forgot butter milk for me :)

They’d come home to a different place, Mama as usual would have turned everything upside down, or even more; swapped rooms! Just for the sake of a ‘healthy change’.. :)

We’d then get together, with my grandparents (both maternal & paternal Grandma) & read The Cave Chapter from The Holy Qur’an.. Then Baba would explain & discuss with us verses from the Qur’an or Prophet’s sayings (pbuh)..

If it’s a beach day, it’d mean sun & salt.. Mix them together, & that would be that.. Baba singing the sea fisherman’s song.. If I could turn back time.. If only..

If it’s a bbq day, then I’d like to introduce to you the best bbq hero ever: Baba :D

Mama’s yummy marinated beef/chicken..

Our bicycles in the park..

What else woul one want?

Well, if you’d ask me: no grass please! I had a problem with grass :$ I’m not sure if it’s the insects phobia I have or something else..

If it’s a Dubai Friday, it usually starts from Thursday night.. Rarely was it only a Friday in Dubai back then.. Thursday evening, we’d pack our stuff (& I’d pack my million things), and off to my Uncle’s place.. A fun sleep over with lots of other relatives living in the same building & lots & lots of kids :D

Picnics & malls.. And many tears I always shed for going back home..

Those were our weekends.. Those were the days.. Where we’d all get together.. Laugh together.. Lay back together.. Those were the days..

Please do enjoy your weekends to their fullest, & take whatever is left of beauty in your life & share it with your special ones :)

I remember...

Giddo, my maternal Grandfather.. Abdul Munim is his name.. The best man I’ve ever met!

No words will ever describe how he was; none will do him justice, but I’ll try..

I remember very well how kind, gentle, giving & cheerful he was.. He’d smile all the time & sing happy songs.. He’d make up songs for us & hum along..

I remember him being around when growing up, wether he’d come to us in Abu Dhabi, a city he really liked, or us visiting him in the summertime.. He is a huge part of me & I of him.. I’m his first grandchild.. Having his blood is my honor & pride :)

I remember how he’d hold my hand so tight whenever we’d go out for a picnic or a ride.. He called me “princessa” & “sanioora” & would always make me feel like one..

I remember that summer at the beach, when I was around 10 or 11, a friend invited me to her birthday party, & Giddo wouldn’t let me go alone.. “Giddo, it’s ok, Daddy said I can go, it’s just around the corner on the beach.” He came along with me & spent the whole time keeping a very close eye on me.. And it never felt bad, I somehow felt special everytime he was there watching out for me :)

I remember his napkin, cologne & cleanliness.. I remember how he’d let me play with his shaving brush as carelessly as I wanted.. I’d soak it in soapy foam and stroke & paint his face so fearlessly..

I remember how every time before he would use the bathroom, he’d say “the bathroom is available now, any one needs to go?”.. He was just caring like that, even though there were three bathrooms in the house!

I remember his love for meat & fruits.. He’d call me to join him in the kitchen after lunch, behind Grandma’s back, not having the patience to wait for her to chop it.. He’d slice melon & pig out with me as much as we wanted to.. Melon juice drops would roll down his arm & wet his dry elbows.. We were the happiest people in the world ;)

I remember how he’d peel every bean in our Egyptian beans dish (foool).. And how he’d enjoy his red Egyptian tea glass so much, that I’d sometimes be jealous of it.. Yes glass, he wouldn’t like to have it in mugs.. Glass, where his eyes & soul can enjoy before his mouth :)

I remember how he’d always stop the cotton candy and cactus fruit (roaming around) sellers & get us wether we wanted or not.. Get us a lot!

I remember him taking me to the market nearby on his shoulders & would never let me down until I say so.. he’d buy me & my siblings whatever we wished for, before even saying it! He won’t take us home until we’d had enough.. 

I remember him taking us to the park & would never say ‘enough’ or ‘stop’.. He’d watch us on the trampoline all through the evening, never looking away.. Looking at his happy face would give me more courage to jump higher & make more flips in the air.. He’d always be impressed & let me know that I’m amazing!

I remember how kind he was to the maintenance workers & security guards.. How he’d offer them food & drinks & laugh along with them, when even not having any language in common..

I remember how he’d put his hand on his chest as a way of thanking, greeting or just putting his heart out for you :) I guess Ertugrul & his gang stole it from him ;)

I rememeber how he always cared so much about our nanny’s well-being.. He’d offer her a good Christian friend from back home if she wanted to..

I remember how he hated waking anyone up from sleep, & how he considered it as a holy state :)

I remember the first marriage proposals & how crazy he’d go not believing any one is ever good enough for his princess :D

I remember how he fell sick & had an open heart surgery.. He was in so much pain, but would trust whatever I say.. How there was water in his lungs & how weak his heart got.. I am a huge believer that it was a very overused heart.. He loved & cared way too much, about so many people..

I remember how we discovered his melanoma.. How it started from his toe & how slowly it was eating his skin up & finding its way to his inner organs..

I still can’t get over his death.. Whenever I meet a new person, I can’t introduce the real me to them, with a huge part of it missing today..

I told Z a alot about him.. Hope she doesn’t foget Giddo Men’im..

You are my hero Giddo.. You are my favorite story.. You are my favorite memory..

Allah yerhamak habeeby!

Yours,

Essanioora

"كل حاجه ناقصه حاجه و إنت مش جنبي حبيبي"

~شرين~

My spring..

Weather is dancing around zero degrees & the ice is slowly melting.. The sun is finding its way on our skin & into our hearts; trying to heal our old cold scars.. Spring is right around the corner :)

Can’t wait for the squirrels to come back chasing after each other.. Can’t wait for my princess to come back into my arms.. Oh Allah please Bring me back my spring, my flower, my baby.. Don’t let me miss her bloom! Please!

You just told me today that your stepmom is finding it hard to brush your beautiful long hair; & that she’ll take you for a hair cut.. How hard it is for me to hear that.. You won’t even imagine.. I remember how I held on to your baby hair that was turning light brown with the days & taking you for your first trim.. Oh God..

I’m not the one washing your hair now.. Not brushing it.. I’m not the one taking you to school.. Nor am I the one putting on your school uniform for you..

I carried you for years every single night to pee, even when you didn’t ask to, just to make sure you sleep better & not have an accident.. Carried you to not let you wake up.. Are they doing that? Are you sleeping well? Do you still smile in your sleep? Do you try to reach out for me to hug in the middle of the night?

I miss how I used to give you my face & you’d kiss it while asleep! I miss you baby so much.. It’s hard..

I sometimes don’t wish to hear your voice at all.. I don’t want to see your pictures.. I WANT YOU MOMMY.. YOU!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOj8sk9L-CM