Pebbles

Yesterday you told me on the phone: “They took my two pairs of glasses and gave them to the optician to change my lenses; and left me without glasses for two days! It’s unfair mommy; my cousin can see without glasses & I can’t.. It’s unfair mommy, the nanny bathes me and calls me names.. She says I’m ill-mannered & that she’ll teach me how to behave!”

Ah baby ah, if only I was there! I never left you for a second without glasses.. Never let you after the shower take a second trying to see without glasses.. Not even under water.. Went looking all over Egypt for goggles for your weak eyesight & couldn’t find any.. Your dearest grandpa got you goggles all the way from the US.

Remember that night baby (picture)? You wanted to play with those pebbles & I was on the edge as I feared the germs and dirt.. I tried letting you play for a while.. Tried to loosen up.. Remember?

I tried so hard in everything sweetheart.. EVERYTHING! I remarried your dad to give it another shot for you.. I lived in Egypt for two years for you.. He didn’t live there & banned you from travelling with me; while he knew exactly how scary it is for me to live there.. And how alone we were..

I never left you alone.. Never left you with nannies.. Never let anyone bathe you other than me & your dearest Granny.. I never even let you talk to nannies to not pick any inappropriate words..

I watched everything you watched, never let you watch silly cartoons.. Always educational stuff.. Not even my favorite Aladdin nor Little Mermaid..

Now your dad’s mom, whom ruined my wedding by turning the songs off, lets you watch kids singing meaningless songs and competing in that.. She clips your nails with scissors!

Sorry I got too sick.. I was carried to the Emergency room in front of you, reNember?

Not my country, nor my people..

I’m physically & emotionally very ill..

I begged him Pateety.. We all begged him to take you with me.. He said no & humiliated us all..

Today he took you to Kuwait! How can the laws be so unfair? I can’t take you, but he can?! How can that be? And he’s not letting me reach you at all!

I could have stopped it.. I could have banned you from travelling with him.. I didn’t.. For you..

And now you want to call your step-mom “Mommy”..

You know what he told us baby? He said he’ll lie to you and will tell you that I left you ‘cuz I didn’t want to take care of you anymore.. I have it recorded.. With his voice.. He’ll lie to you.. They’ll all lie.. And they have started..

However, I won’t do anything other than asking Allah.. I’ll beg Him and only Him.. He Has the Power to bring you back to me..

Kisses on your eyes!

Ya Rab!