Geneef

“Geneeh” in the Egyptian dialect stands for “pound”.. Z has always called it “Geneef” instead :)

Daddy always collected for her different coins whenever he travelled, & her eyes would sparkle every time he gave her new ones..

Today, Baba came up to me with this quarter & asked me to keep it for you baby; for when I see you.. Isn’t it pretty? It simply depicts how pretty Canada is!

With every snow flake & every kid licking snow I pray for you to be with me.. Everything I see, hear, or touch makes me miss you more & more.. All the pretty kids’ mittens & colourful hats bring this pain to my chest.. Your Dad succeeded in torturing my whole family & keeping grief in all our hearts!

Everyday, literally everyday a new pain! I don’t know how many hearts can take this pain! How much more will I take.. I don’t want to be this wounded woman whom can’t wait for revenge.. I don’t want the breaths I have left on this Earth to be filled with bitterness.. There is nothing left for me to do baby.. No more doors to knock.. Only prayers.. & prayers..

Today, for the second day in a row you cried on the phone; he then yelled at you in the background.. It was so painful just hearing his voice.. Full of rage & cruelty..

I remember when you were a baby, & cried in the back of the car in your seat, he wouldn’t let me go sit next to you & played the radio so loud to shut you up.. Or this other night when you cried at night for wanting to sleep with me, he got up & threw you, then your head hit the floor! I lied to you & made you believe it was an accident, & that you “fell” from his hands..

His actions were a pure indication of his unstable mental state.. And what he’s doing now is beyond words..

I’ll just sit here, stare at this beauty, & ask The Lord of the worlds, The One & Only Master Whom Brought down these flakes, & Wrote our destiny; to bring you in my arms & bless me with your presence!

*Quarter on your Teta’s dress*

P.S. Pateety asked me on the phone today to remind her of this episode, one of her favourites.. And as soon as I played it for her, she cried.. But then, her Dad forced her to stop! May Allah release this pressure!