Saturday, April 6, 2019

33


Ah Pateety, they all asked me about you yesterday at the wedding. Did you remember my birthday? I hope you didn’t, nor feel sad, & fear doesn’t dare touch your door..

You know, Allah sent me my cousins to soften these rough days. If only you were here, you’d have been running around in the gardens with them yesterday. When are you coming back baby?

...........

Where did the days go! I feel old!

Age of the people of paradise.
I’m barely close, living by Allah’s Mercy.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t imagine to be where I am today.

Divorced. Twice. From the same monster who harmed his own daughter before harming me. How did I ever get deluded with a beard!
So naive!
Forced to live now in a third world country; to seek unborn justice.
Can’t hear my daughter’s voice, let alone see her.
Scared of everything. Every. Single. Thing.

Wait. Don’t think I’m ungrateful.
I’m so grateful to the farthest extent.
Can’t begin with my endless list..

........

This picture is a perfect explanation of my current situation! Right from my birthday yesterday :)

Sorry for not introducing you:

Meet Amoona!

I can’t believe how big she’s become!
She’s my cousin, but I’ve always felt that she’s my first babygirl. I was 18 when she was born. I remember only yesterday I was buying her tutus and putting her to sleep in my arms..

Her first day of nursery & first girlie secret.
Her fights with her siblings & anger towards her parents.
God how I love her. I literally feel like crying everytime I look at her. I want to protect her from the world & keep her in my heart.

She’s a young lady now, just turned 15 five days ago, but more sophisticated than you can imagine!

I remember when I had Z, I told her I wish she’d grow to be like you, & she said “ask Allah”... She KNOWS how loved she is, & that should be enough, shouldn’t it?

..............

Can I take you back to the wedding?

So yesterday, I met a teacher I’ve worked with years ago. She told me “you can never judge anyone” and that “people have become horrible”, & those were her excuses for sinning. Big sins!

I really couldn’t say much & asked Allah to Protect her & me.

Why has everyone become so enslaved by their whims? People do really bad things nowadays, that I can’t even share here, but sure you’ve come across some in your life.

Is it better if we lock ourselves up? Nope!
Get so involved? No!
Become heartless? Nope!
Give all we can? Sometimes!

Why sometimes ? Cuz that’s what I wish to be doing from now on.. caring too much backfires on me all the time!

May Allah Protect us all!

.......

I still wish I was a carefree bird. Somewhere in a far off island, where humans don’t exist.
People harm more than benefit.

Right now, just trying to keep my head above water!

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