I'm right here..

Saturday, July 6th, 2019.

12:10 pm

The Angel of Death took my dear Granny's soul.

To Allah we belong and to Him is our return.

It was the first time for me to attend & witness the death of anyone, and she wasn't anyone, for those who knew her.

It was so peaceful. I was trembling, yet felt this peace and strength that got me through her passing from this life to the next. Allah Chose me to be with her and hold her hand through these very difficult months.

I feared this moment so much. I felt its nearness, and promised myself to be my very best self at it.

We're nothing but moments. From a moment to another, a million changes within our very selves and around us take place. A moment she was here, and the next she's---------- not.

I used to always tell her "I'm here", and she'd be calm for seconds after that. Her stares into my soul were scary most of the time. You'd see her pleas for comfort and nothing you could do that'd make her feel better. Her pains have been so severe, and she never knew why.

She died in her room. She was so still. No more screams. No more aches. No blood pressure, no pulse there. No more fever, no need for the catheter.

There was nothing scary at all. I stayed by her side until her grave. I kept reminding her of what she taught us: Allah is my Lord, Islam is my religion, & Muhammad (pbuh) is our beloved Prophet.

I don't know where I'll be buried, and who'll bury me. I hope I'd smell good, bad deeds do smell.

Losing two grandparents to cancer has been tough. My only comfort comes in the reward, may Allah reward us all for every pain, big or small.

Her soaps remain. Her perfumes and colognes. Her clothes, & chairs.

She's the special dressing on the salad that no one could make. She's the breeze of clean laundry. She's the one who wouldn't ever ask anyone other than The One and Only, Lord of the worlds.

She's always had everything, every herb, every fruit. She's always been home.

Washing her body was like washing mine, lots of similarity there. We have a lot in common, or so I hope.

May Allah Forgive her and us all for every wrong & bless us with His Mercy now and forever.

May Allah Reunite us in the gardens of Paradise.