“Ramadan Krem”

(Picture source: MBC)

Remember this guy baby?

Did you remember me when you saw him? Did you cry, or hold your tears?

Did you wish to talk to me?

Did you try fasting?

I recieved “Ramadan  Karem” from your number, was it you, or someone else?

How are you surviving this “no Mama” lifestyle?

...

Ramadan mubarak!

May Allah Guide us & Accept us!

So many mixed feelings every Ramadan.

So many people to miss. Smells. Voices.

Our house has always been where iftars take place. Where everybody gathers. Where a lot of Quran is read in its corners.

This Ramadan finds me so broken.

For the first time in more than a decade I break my fast with my closest family members all together. Parents & siblings. May Allah never deprive me of their presence. الحمد لله

For the first time without my daughter. Birthdays, mother’s days, sickness, all without hearing her voice. May Allah Protect her!

Well, enough with the sadness, last night. Let me tell you about last night. First taraweeh prayers on the night of the first of Ramadan. We moved to a new area, far from our masjid. I was so excited to check out the nearest masjid here.

We went, & the imam made mistakes reciting The Opening. And more mistakes followed. I was a bit upset. How did they let him; no other imams? So many questions.

The first two rak’as, I prayed next to a woman who constantly looked behind & actually turned her head throughout the prayer. As soon as we finished those two rak’as, she left.

The next two rak’as, I moved to fill a gap & slowly tried to let my shoulder touch the shoulder of the woman next to me. She shook her shoulder away. I tried again, thought it wasn’t done on purpose, she got really pissed, did salams, looked at me angrily, took a step away from me, and prayed again. Next to me but not close, with a gap between me and her, and another between her & the lady next to her. As soon as we did rukoo’ her keys made huge noise, she was wearing maybe 10 keys or more in a chain around her neck. I got so scared. She was very aggressive throughout the prayer. As soon as we were done with those two rak’as, she left to a corner.

I then needed to process. Process all this. Either become super angry at the imam & the two ladies, or try to understand.

1. This imam wasn’t an Arab & read better than me & memorizes the whole Qur’an. He studied for years to become an Imam. Maybe his recitation isn’t ideal, but he worked more than most of us do. May Allah Guide him.

2. The lady who kept turning her head while praying wasn’t doing right, but who knows where she’s coming from, who knows why she’s turning her head. May Allah Help her.

3. Again, I’ll never know why that other lady couldn’t pray shoulder to shoulder. Maybe she has a phobia. Whatever reason, she actually came to the masjid, bless her heart!

Ramadan is all about widening your horizons. Looking at the bigger picture.

I had an argument yesterday, I was asked why would I ask youth to go pray taraweeh, while they miss their daily prayers. I didn’t win the argument. 

All I wanted to say is that taraweeh have a certain taste, that you wouldn’t easily get at home.

Especially if they were taraweeh you went to with your uncle A, who has a special Ramadan outfit & perfume.

Especially if you go to masjid Mus’ab Ibn Omair in Abu Dhabi, & pray behind sheikh Jaber AbdulHamid Qutb.

Sheikh Jaber, you are always in my prayers. You know that I wanted you to teach my daughter Qur’an? It was one of my wishes. Who knows, maybe someday.

How many of you can tell a person’s nationality from their toes? ;)

Ya Allah. So many mixed emotions.

اللهم إنك عفو كريم تحب العفو فاعف عنا

P.S. Did you imagine this Ramadan would find you where you are today? In a million years, I wouldn’t have guessed even tenth of it!

A web of love...

Mr Rogers said they’ll install the internet after a couple of days. Oh, didn’t I tell you? We’re moving, AGAIN! Maybe for the hundredth time in my life. A new corner, new air, new water stream..

We need to detox, don’t we? Maybe try new routines. New sights. But never a new Dooby; we’ll surely miss you kitty; may you stay safe :(

I always believed a home should always have elderly, children, & cats. Or at least that’s how our home was always like. However; life happened.

*sighs*

TV has always been important in our home. Maybe ‘cuz it can magically take us back in time. See beautiful things that stopped existing. Or listen to some words that strengthen our faith.

Faith. Know something, faith is literally everything. Brings forth courtesy & patience. Faith is what grants us serenity & tranquility.

I’ll feel better when:

I do my homework.

Ice skate.

Graduate.

Play.

Get that job.

Buy this & that.

Leave that job.

Get married.

Have my baby.

Go for Hajj.

Get divorced.

Get healthier.

Lose this pain.

Kill those cancerous cells.

And so much more.

However, it will never work when you hang your joy on certain conditions. It’s all about faith. Faith.

Now don’t ask me how to have it please, I’m sure you know better than I do.

Love,

"Mundian to bach ke Rahi"

Box kites.. Did you ever fly one? I remember back home in Abu Dhabi when we used to go barbecuing or go for picnics, lots of people from Desi backgrounds used to play cricket and fly kites, and man were they good! I always wanted to learn how to play cricket, but never did..

Up here as you can see is a genuine attempt of me trying to teach my darling Z how to fly a box kite. It did work eventually, and she was happy :)

Childhood is the dough and adulthood is either the cherry on top, or a burn and/or a topping that went wrong.. Thank God for my childhood and for Baba and Mama whom have made it as perfect as they could.. What a lovely ride it was.. If only I could turn back the hands of time..

*sighs*

All I can do now; is do my best as a single mom in my baby's upbringing! Fly kites, make good dreams and try to chase them.. Yes we're stuck here in this difficult part of the world now, but you have got to do what you have got to do!

"Mundian to bach ke Rahi"; in other words, "Beware of the boys" sweetie pie, it's not all cotton candy clouds, fun slides and "Hawaiian roller coaster rides".. It's hard work, and lots of giving of love and respect for you to earn them back..

Baby, Yesterday was the day you had your 2 front teeth pulled out; to give room for your first "permanent" tooth to come in place.. Try to take good care of this tooth and keep it clean for it will hang around with you for quite sometime!

Daddy used to tell me "be like the clear water, for if any dirt falls in, it'll change it's color and odor.." And that's what I always try to do dear baba, but you can't help it when the wind blows in dust and smoke now, can you?

Sheru :)

(picture's source)

At school a few days ago:

J (My daughter's classmate): " Do you sleep with your eyeglasses on?"

Z (My daughter): "No!"

J: "How do you see your dreams then?"

Z: "I don't need to open my eyes to see my dreams, I keep them closed and see them"

Later at home, at bed time:

Z: "Mommy, how can I see my dreams well without my glasses? J asked me today!"

ME: "Dreams are in our minds and hearts, and we can see them and achieve them at any given time :)"

"Lion" is such an intense real life story! When you think your life is tough or you can't take it anymore, remind yourself that you CAN, and simply "Never Give Up"! Dream big and take steps, and it will happen if it's written. Trust me! Look at those who suffer more than you do and be thankful.

You dream of a perfect life, perfect love story, perfect tomorrow, perfect health, perfect you, perfect offspring, or even a perfect spring, but guess what? Just like when in Spring flowers bloom, Spring too is where allergies boom! No matter how much you clean, dust specks will find their way as you zoom.. There is no such thing as a perfect anything! There is a perfect imperfect circle of life. Period!

I tried and tried. It didn't work, or can I say the only way for it to work was by it not working out? I tried to make my marriage work TWICE! I tried to keep my baby girl healthy a lot, but she got sick and had surgery. I tried and prayed hard in Hajj for it not to be cancer, but it was. And the list is long. And now I can say I am content with all this! Yes I am! With the failure, the sickness, the tears and the roughness; because when I look back, I know I did my best and learned my lesson and was destined to go through it all. I survived it all.

However there is a huge difference between want and try. I didn't try hard to let Z memorize Quran like I wanted to. I didn't try to homeschool her like I wanted to. I didn't work hard to study what I wanted to. So we shouldn't only "want"; "dream" or "need".We should try hard and be content with whatever comes our way.

Sheru is the one who takes the run and roars at the top of their lungs and acts brave. Brave in the face of it all. With an open heart, and a deep prayer, and warm feet, or should I say paws?

So baby, do your best in having a clear big heart; in making your dreams filled with goodness first, and then see yourself achieve them while trying hard. (With and without your glasses)

Don't forget, be content with it all <3

Peace out,

Sheru in the making ;)



P.S. It was fun car racing  with the orange car on the 12th of March, with "Never give up" playing In the background ;)

31

May God's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon us all :)

These are my first words of a new chapter in my life.

Today marks a new page in my "Sakeena Within" life book. Sakeena is one of my favorite Arabic words, that stands for tranquility. It's a search for that inner peace that we all long for.. Sakeena is what I wanted to name my baby girl, but couldn't as it wasn't pronounced correctly where she was born.

I'd love to share here my views and heartfelt emotions that might help in making our world a better one; and eventually be a road to heaven! This is my second blog. I started blogging from 2004 until roughly 2013. However stopped gradually for drowning in an ocean of misery.

Here I am a survivor of a tough ride that lasted for years! Where do I begin!

My life has begun 31 solar years ago, with so many amazing people in my life! I've always been blessed with love, respect and dignity; qualities that are scarce in today's world.

I want to thank my lovely family for supporting me all through the years.. The 31 years!

Thank you all and may Allah reward you for your endless unconditional love!

I chose this picture to start with as it represents a moment of joy that I experienced with my Mom that tops all charts. Love you Mommy! May I never spend a moment without your warm lovely smile, amen!

So cheers to new beginnings and a new breeze :)

To Mom, Dad, siblings, Uncle A., my lovely daughter, my dearest late Grandpa and to the world, here's my "peace" of Sakeena for you :)

Respectfully,
S.